on JM therapy

still feeling numb

so here i am, in front of my laptop (let’s call this the therapist’s couch), with a can of beer beside me (my chill pill), chatting with my good friend anna (my therapist) and going through a lot of JM stuff (my session for the night)– listening to his songs, reading his blogs, reviewing his fansites, searching for videos in youtube…

first off in my session, the song he sings whenever he plays the song i hate.

“Go Anywhere”

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Fold me up
Take me out
I’m portable
Fold me up
Take me out
I’m portable
I’m here on the road
I seem to have it all
We bolt it to the floor
Or we tape it to the wall
Fold it up
Fold it up
It’s portable
Take me out
Fold me up
I’m portable
I put a map up on my ceiling
To fight that lonely feeling
In my bed
If you want to know what my life’s about
Sometimes I’m here and I still freak out
It’s just inside my head
The tape would not reveal a thing
Sometimes I’m looking around my back
To find the zipper and open it up and be twice my size
I want to find the highest peak
Stand up tall and with a shriek say “I’m alive”
Cause I can go anywhere
I can go anywhere
I can go anywhere
I can go anywhere
I said “Pull the bus over John”
He said “Why, do you got to pee soon”
I said “I want to sleep outside underneath the half full moon at night”
Cause I can go anywhere
I can go anywhere
I sing my songs
Confident in the knowledge that you’ll be here to sing along
Fold me up
Take me out
Boy you know I’m portable

i just love the lyrics, and the melody. it’s just unfortunate that it goes into a transition to why georgia.

up next: “Good Love is on the Way.

this has been my anthem ever since i started loving mayer. why? lyrics —

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I’m a lazy lover
Undercover
Wasting time
Then one day this summer
I changed my number
To cut my line
Good love is on the way
I been lonely but I know, I’ll be ok
Good love is on the way
3 years broken hearted
But now her ghost is finally gone
I’m done with broken people
This is me
I’m working on (cause I know)
Good love is on the way
I’ve been lonely but I know, I’ll be ok
Good love is on the way
Good to go for wherever I’m needed
Bags are packed and I’m
Down by the door
You can take all the tricks up my sleeve
I don’t need them anymore
Good to go for wherever I’m needed
Bags are packed and I’m
Down by the door
You can take all the tricks up my sleeve
I don’t need them anymore
Good love is on the way
I’ve been lonely, lonely, lonely, yeah
Good love is on the way
I’ve been lonely but I know I’ll be ok
Good love is on the way
Oh, Good love is on the way, hey

video:

this song always makes me cry…

next: JM-related… it’s DRH and his song “Yesterday Shutting Down”

1

Two more hours and I’ll be gone
And leave my bad, bad deeds to carry on
My train is coming and I wanna ride
Beyond the horizon ‘til it’s gone from sight.
If you let me apologize for what I’ve done
And forgive me I’m not quite what I will become
But if heaven says it is fine then let me slide (get by)
Then give it just one more try
To get it right
Can you hear it creeping?
Can you smell its breath?
I’ve got eight behind me now
And two more left
Oh if you love me Baby
you’ll let me leave
So I can put on my wings and I can get my long overdue release
If you let me apologize for what I’ve done
You gotta forgive me I’m not quite what I will become no
But if heaven says it is fine to let me slide (let you just slide on by)
I’ll give it just one more try (you give it just one more try)
And I believe I’ll get it right
if I leave here tonight
I said I wanna leave here
I wanna leave here
I, I wanna move on with the rest of my life (yeah)
I, I wanna move on with the rest of my life
It’s coming around
(It’s coming around)
This sleepy town
(This sleepy town)
This is the sound of yesterday shutting down
(This is the sound yesterday shutting down)
Let me apologize for everything yeah
All of the pain that the demons in my bottle bring yeah
Y’all but if heaven says it is fine then let me slide
I’m giving it one more try
You know I need a little wind to give me flight (huh)
I think I’m gonna leave here tonight
I’m gonna leave
I’m gonna leave here
I wanna move on with the rest of my life
(I’m gonna move it along)
I wanna move on with the rest of my life
(I’m gonna move it along)
It’s coming around
This sleepy town
(This is the sound)
This is the sound
(This is the sound)
Of yesterday shutting down
It’s coming around
This sleepy town
(This is the sound y’all)
This is the sound of yesterday shutting down (shutting down)
It’s coming around
(It’s coming around)
This sleepy town
(This sleepy town)
This is the sound of yesterday shutting down
(Yesterday put it behind me
I wanna put it behind me)
It’s coming around
It’s coming around
This sleepy town
This is the sound of yesterday shutting down
(Yesterday shutting on down)
It’s coming around
This sleepy town
This is the sound of yesterday shutting down
It’s coming around
This sleepy town
(This sleepy town)
This is the sound of yesterday shutting down
(Ooh Ooh ooh ooh
I been waiting to hear that sound
That is the sound y’all of yesterday shutting on down)
It’s coming around
It’s coming around
This sleepy town
This is the sound of yesterday shutting down
It’s coming around
It’s coming around
This sleepy town
This is the sound of yesterday shutting down

video:

this one is famous to JM fans only (it’s like our little secret), the song called “LA Song (In Your Atmosphere)”

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I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore
I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore
I don’t know what it’s like to live and not race to your door
But I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore
I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore
I’m not sure that I really ever could
Hold on to a hotel key
in your bedroom neighborhood
With me sleep walking in Hollywood
I’m gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I’m gonna steer clear
Cause I’d die if I saw you
I’d die if I didn’t see you there
So I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore
I dont think I’m gonna go to LA anymore
Get lost on the boulevard at night
Without your voice to tell me
I love you, take a right
The ten and the two is a lonely sight
I’m gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I’m gonna steer clear
Cause I’d die if I saw you
I’d die if I didn’t see you
I’m gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I’m gonna steer clear
Cause I’d die if I saw you
I’d die if I didn’t see you there, see you there
I think I’m gonna stay gonna stay, gonna stay in the grey, think i’m gonna stay
All the street lights say nevermind nevermind
All the canyon lines say nevermind
Sunset says we see this all the time, nevermind never you mind

video:

and lastly, the ultimate song for the broken hearted…

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“In Repair”

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it’s taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair
Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me
Oh it’s taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair
And now i’m walking in the park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me
Oh it’s taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
Oh i’m never really ready, yeah, oh, i’m never really ready
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there

video:

so is the therapy working? a bit. i still refuse to react and say hey, i’m sad. because i can’t. i can not be sad.

no john, it’s not going to be split screen sadness. it’s just going to be one whole screen of sadness inside me. no one to share with, in short. so i will never ever let that thing creep in me.

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