I should’ve made this anonymous…

Since your blogs are seen by people whom you know (a couple of them even giving stupid assumptions regarding what you post), it’s hard to put your true feelings into carefully thought-of, free-from-conflicts words, right?  — like how disappointed I am right now because I just found out that a friend kept something from me.

It’s really shitty to be trapped in this thing called self-consciousness. I feel limited. Unable to breathe. Helpless. Lonely.

I have bottled up emotions once again, and all I can do is to use John Mayer‘s quotes to let off a little steam (here I am quoting a guy who’s so misunderstood that people actually think that he’s a douchebag):

Interviewer: You said “I just found out there’s no such thing as a real world just a lie you got to rise above…”
John: “Yeah I was a little angry that day.”

I’m not the first person to admit we’re all self conscious, Kanye was. But what I want to do is to shed a little light on why we’re all in the same boat, no matter the shape of the life we lead: because every one of us were told since birth that we were special. We were spoken to by name through a television. We were promised we could be anything that we wanted to be, if only we believed it and then, faster than we saw coming, we were set loose into the world to shake hands with the millions of other people who were told the exact same thing.

Self consciousness is toxic… And it’s everywhere…

You ever have that thought that bums you out–you have a thought that bums you out and you’re bummed out by the thought, but the thought escapes you, so all you’re left with is being bummed out.

Numb is the new deep, done with the old me, and talk is the same cheap it’s been

Sometimes it feels like my life is just one long day

I just don’t see myself in that place where I really want to bop anymore.


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