Today I am enveloped in this heavy, dark, gut-wrenching feeling. Swirling inside my head are fears and anxieties with varying magnitudes, different degrees, unequal importance, unclear realism – caused by my decision to throw myself inside the well of the unknown. Paranoia is slowly creeping in me… and it’s torture.
What’s in store for me?
Have I negatively affected a person’s disposition, by just my mere presence?
I don’t want to take a nap because that would mean wasting my Sunday.
I know I can do this… but why am I so insecure?
What if I fail myself once again?
Am I still strong?
Damn clock, the minutes fly by so fast.
Am I really cursed?
There’s no such thing as a perfect life right?
Don’t I deserve a happy life?
Maybe that’s how it should be with me, to always fail…
I am anticipating bad things to come. I was born to be unlucky.
What if they end up hating me?
What if they don’t want to hang out with me?
Is it just me or are there a couple of people who hate my existence?
In the long run, will this be worth it?
If I reach the bottom of the well, will it hurt? Will it kill me?
What if I experience the same experiences I had in the past?
All I wanted was a life that’s content, happy and comfortable… but now, I am actually believing that it won’t happen.
Will I be miserable my whole life?
Why can’t I be like the others?
I have to get rid of this insomnia.
My hours will be the death of me.
What happened to me?
Why is this happening to me?
Am I having a nervous breakdown? Why?
It’s too early to tell, and the majority of things are ok. What the hell is wrong with me????
Have I accepted the fact that I will die a sad and pitiful old hag?
I am now desperate… a clear sign that I will give up really soon.